There's an article circling the Internet, and social media in particular. You can read it here:
http://herviewfromhome.com/stop-being-a-butthole-wife/
Before I go on my tirade, let me state clearly that I absolutely understand where the author is coming from and what point she's trying to make. However, the execution is so faulty that I now have to chug the reality train right into everyone's face...
IT'S OKAY TO BE A BUTTHOLE WIFE.
You should treat your husband with respect and dignity, frequently express gratitude to him for all he does for you and your family, and treat him as your best friend. HOWEVER, none of that entitles him to the right to not treat you in the exact same manner. Just how disrespectful is it for a grown man to completely ignore repeated pleas from his spouse to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper? What kind of freaking example are you setting for your kids to say, "Oh, well Daddy is choosing the greater good by leaving his clothes on the floor and spending time with the kids, instead."
SERIOUSLY??????
It takes less than a second for ANYONE to place his or her dirty clothes in an appropriate receptacle. How in the world is anyone's complete lack of respect for, and duty to, other members of the family a "good" thing? How are you ever going to teach your children to be responsible for their own actions, or to be an active, respectful member of the family dynamic, when they watch their own father constantly toss his junk anywhere he dang well feels like it, while Mommy follows behind and picks it up with a smile on her face?
Every single member of a family makes a worthwhile and necessary contribution to the dynamic. You want a happy family and home life? Everyone needs to pull their weight. No one is more important than anyone else, and that includes Mom, too. It's only fair that the same rules that apply to one family member apply to all.
I think it's completely frightening that this article has become such a hit. If you're accepting it for what it was meant to be, that we all need to be a little more gentle to and grateful for our spouses, run with it and proclaim it to the world. If you think that your spouse's mess is a sign of the blessing that they are in your life, you should probably meet with a psychiatrist. For real. My husband is an amazing man that does so, so much for me and our family. And I'm far from a perfect wife. But, guess what? I expect him to pick up after himself. Because I'm a butthole wife. And it's okay to expect every single member of the family to fulfill their own obligations and help one another out.
Women tend to tear themselves down, to feel like nothing they do, the very individual they are, is ever enough. Why are we spreading more of this? There are so many better ways to improve family and home life and spousal relations. Focus on reframing the problem ("Oh, this drives me nuts, but at least he did ______ (some good thing) today"). Practice not being a harpy ("Are you freaking kidding me??? Are you too stupid to pick up your dirty socks, you nincompoop????"). Encourage and support your spouse ("I'm so glad you went to work today. I know you didn't feel good. Thank you for making my life brighter"). But don't, I repeat, DON'T allow something that is driving you crazy to just slide because you don't want to "cause waves" or "be a butthole." That is not the way to a lasting, meaningful relationship. The job of wife/mother/homemaker NEVER stops, not even in the middle of the night, and it is perfectly reasonable to expect your spouse to pick up after themselves and set a good example for your children. Bringing home a paycheck, or being biologically male, does not entitle one to ignore the concerns of another. Please, don't feel guilty for expecting your spouse to engage. Please, don't feel that this is a man-hater, women-are-always-right post. Absolutely everything I've said goes both ways--if you want a lasting, happy marriage, you need to work this crap out, not slap a coat of glitter on it and pretend that it's a "blessing" or somehow right. It's not.
