I'm the world's biggest chicken. Let me make that clear from the get-go. It's pathetic, yes, but something I totally can't change about myself.
For example...
I was looking through the Reader's Digest (because, yes, I'm awesome, and I totally rock the old people magazines) when I came across a story about a hotel that is supposedly haunted. Now, I know I'm the world's biggest chicken, and I know better than to read crapito like that, but I'm an idiot and I always tell myself, "Oh, my heck, Laurie! You're a big girl! You can read this super lame article. You're just fine!"
Famous last words. Like when I thought I could watch a ghost hunter video about my local museum, which I can no longer attend, because I love the museum, but the super lame video scared the crapito out of me.
Anyway, back to the story. I read the first two paragraphs of the Reader's Digest article. All it said was the hotel was supposedly haunted, and that the ghost was supposed to be a little girl that was locked in a cupboard and would kick the door. That's it. No scary elaboration, no flowery words, just that.
I was so terrified I very nearly slept in my four-year-old's bed. So she could protect me. I had to work really, REALLY hard not to give in to that tenacious urge. I even texted my husband at work to tell him how scared I was, then immediately texted him again to tell him that he could NOT come home and scare me because I would cry. For real. A lot.
You may be asking yourself, "What makes Laurie think she's the biggest chicken ever? Sure, she's super lame, but so what?"
I'll show you! Doubt my lame-osity, will you? *grumble* *grumble*
All right ... Here it goes ... The gloves are coming off ...
I'm petrified of Bigfoot and aliens, even though there's not one tiny bit of me that believes they're real.
Did you read that? 'Cuz I was trying really hard not to let you see that. It's embarrassing.
How far does this fear go? Well, back to Reader's Digest...
There was another article about the most read case ever in the FBI's files. It was about an extraterrestrial ship crashing, and three bodies being found. Honestly, I think it's probably the biggest hoax ever. For real. But it still scared me to pieces.
Which brings me to my fallacious thought process. After I was stupid and read this article, I had to go pick up the four-year-old from preschool. Middle of the day, bright and sun-shiny, and I'm literally running to my car. I jump in, slam the door, and lock it, only to realize my thinking process is majorly flawed. I'm scared of creatures I don't even believe in, but, for argument's sake, let's say they're real. Obviously they've got some serious technology at their disposal if they can travel way farther and faster than we can even comprehend. So what makes me think locking the doors of my pop can car is going to protect me???? Or the deadbolt on my front door???? Or the plate-glass windows that my four-year-old could shatter without even trying????
I'm not safe.
Anywhere.
Ever.
