What It's Like to be Chronically Ill

This is a really tough post for me to write.  I don't speak about my chronic illnesses, or the fact that I'm broken.  I just put on a cute little smiley face and hope no one ever finds out.  Like it's something to be ashamed of, which is just stupid.  It's not my fault I'm sick.  It's not anyone's fault.  But I feel like I'm doing a disservice to other people to just ignore it.  I'll update this periodically, but for starters, here's a link to the best description I've found about what it's like to be me:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

On to the ranting...

• Today, I'm missing church.  I hate missing church.  A lot.  But I hate it even more when I'm missing it for a totally lame reason.  Allergies.  Yes, allergies.  "So, you have a runny nose? That's pathetic."  NO!  It ties into the chronic illnesses!  I have chronic hives, as in hives every single freaking day of my life, so I have to take an antihistamine every day.  When spring (or summer, or fall) rolls around, my seasonal allergies attack but the antihistamine is already busy, so I get the full onslaught of the nastiness with no way to alleviate them at all.  So I feel completely nasty today, nauseous, exhausted, dizzy, achy, as well as congested, and I can't go to church.  But if I tell anyone that I'm not going because of allergies, I'll be judged.  Harshly.
• I was cleaning today when I realized that my flat-top stove needed a really good scrubbing. I had to stand there for a moment to debate whether to clean the stove right, or clean the rest of the house, because there weren't "spoons" to do both. I chose to clean the rest of the house. Do you have any inkling of how frustrating it is to be 33 and not able to scrub your stove? Pretty darn frustrating.