Color, Cut, & Assemble

My daughter can't get enough of these activities right now, and I'm finding that it's ridiculously hard to find ones that don't need to be downloaded from an insecure site or are microscopic. Therefore, I'm sticking them here for other parents that don't want to waste 15 minutes every time they try to find one and make it work. I did not create any of these, nor do I own them--I just made them functional.
Enjoy!

Bumblebee

"B" is for Butterfly

Butterfly

Chipmunk with Interchangeable Eyes

Christmas Bear

Cornucopia

Cow with Milk

Dinosaur

Dog

Dragon

Elephant with Interchangeable Eyes

Fishbowl with Number Fish

Frog

Fruit Salad

"G" is for Gorilla

Heart Opossum

Heart Rabbit

"Jesus is Purrfect" Cat

Monkey

Monster with Interchangeable Eyes

Mouse with Cheese

Rabbit

Snowman

Toad with Interchangeable Eyes

Very Hungry Caterpillar

Vegetable Salad

I'm a Butthole Wife, and Proud of It

There's an article circling the Internet, and social media in particular. You can read it here:

http://herviewfromhome.com/stop-being-a-butthole-wife/

Before I go on my tirade, let me state clearly that I absolutely understand where the author is coming from and what point she's trying to make. However, the execution is so faulty that I now have to chug the reality train right into everyone's face...

IT'S OKAY TO BE A BUTTHOLE WIFE.

You should treat your husband with respect and dignity, frequently express gratitude to him for all he does for you and your family, and treat him as your best friend. HOWEVER, none of that entitles him to the right to not treat you in the exact same manner. Just how disrespectful is it for a grown man to completely ignore repeated pleas from his spouse to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper? What kind of freaking example are you setting for your kids to say, "Oh, well Daddy is choosing the greater good by leaving his clothes on the floor and spending time with the kids, instead."

SERIOUSLY??????

It takes less than a second for ANYONE to place his or her dirty clothes in an appropriate receptacle. How in the world is anyone's complete lack of respect for, and duty to, other members of the family a "good" thing? How are you ever going to teach your children to be responsible for their own actions, or to be an active, respectful member of the family dynamic, when they watch their own father constantly toss his junk anywhere he dang well feels like it, while Mommy follows behind and picks it up with a smile on her face?

Every single member of a family makes a worthwhile and necessary contribution to the dynamic. You want a happy family and home life? Everyone needs to pull their weight. No one is more important than anyone else, and that includes Mom, too. It's only fair that the same rules that apply to one family member apply to all.

I think it's completely frightening that this article has become such a hit. If you're accepting it for what it was meant to be, that we all need to be a little more gentle to and grateful for our spouses, run with it and proclaim it to the world. If you think that your spouse's mess is a sign of the blessing that they are in your life, you should probably meet with a psychiatrist. For real. My husband is an amazing man that does so, so much for me and our family. And I'm far from a perfect wife. But, guess what? I expect him to pick up after himself. Because I'm a butthole wife. And it's okay to expect every single member of the family to fulfill their own obligations and help one another out.

Women tend to tear themselves down, to feel like nothing they do, the very individual they are, is ever enough. Why are we spreading more of this? There are so many better ways to improve family and home life and spousal relations. Focus on reframing the problem ("Oh, this drives me nuts, but at least he did ______ (some good thing) today"). Practice not being a harpy ("Are you freaking kidding me??? Are you too stupid to pick up your dirty socks, you nincompoop????"). Encourage and support your spouse ("I'm so glad you went to work today. I know you didn't feel good. Thank you for making my life brighter"). But don't, I repeat, DON'T allow something that is driving you crazy to just slide because you don't want to "cause waves" or "be a butthole." That is not the way to a lasting, meaningful relationship. The job of wife/mother/homemaker NEVER stops, not even in the middle of the night, and it is perfectly reasonable to expect your spouse to pick up after themselves and set a good example for your children. Bringing home a paycheck, or being biologically male, does not entitle one to ignore the concerns of another. Please, don't feel guilty for expecting your spouse to engage. Please, don't feel that this is a man-hater, women-are-always-right post. Absolutely everything I've said goes both ways--if you want a lasting, happy marriage, you need to work this crap out, not slap a coat of glitter on it and pretend that it's a "blessing" or somehow right. It's not.

LDS Primary Flip Charts (Black and White)

I have a black-and-white only printer, and I want my daughter to know the songs they're learning in Primary, so I've been making black-and-white flipcharts off and on for a couple years now. I'll upload PDFs for them here. :)

Once Within A Lowly Stable

I Love to See the Temple (Verse 1)

If I Had Been a Little Child

I'm Trying to be Like Jesus

As a Child of God

Choose the Right (Verse 1 & Chorus)

• Verse 2

And a church talk that my daughter wrote as a Sunbeam...

I Know the Scriptures are True

When We Choose the Right, We are Blessed

What Happens When My Daughter's School Wants a Letter Explaining Absences

To whom it may concern:

My child was absent from school September 6-7. This absence was unavoidable due to the following reasons:

1) Her mother is an idiot.
2) When loading the truck to travel home from vacation, always remember to not, under any circumstances, place your keys inside of the trunk as the truck will automatically lock itself after 90 seconds.
3) It is nearly impossible to find any sort of help when said mother is an idiot on Labor Day.
4) By the time the keys were retrieved, it was very late at night and traveling back home would have been hazardous.
5) The next morning, the same truck that likes to lock itself decided to go kerplooey by lighting up with all sorts of hazard warnings and refusing to allow either turn signal or the hazard lights to work.
6) Idiot mother was forced to drive 261.4 miles to a dealership to have truck repaired.
7) Truck repair took five hours, again leaving it unsafe to travel home without hitting various wild and domesticated animals.
8) Idiot mother is now ordering a lanyard for her keys off of amazon.com

Thank you for your understanding in this matter. Unfortunately, it is unlikely to be the last of its kind. Idiocy appears to be a chronic condition. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at any time.

Sincerely,

The Idiot Mother

Answer to Things That Bug Me #2--Watermelon Flavoring

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/22/watermelon-flavored-photos_n_3314997.html?slideshow=true#gallery/298773/3

#4 is a keeper, especially the description!!!  (And, yes, I like watermelon Jolly Ranchers, they just don't taste anything like watermelon)

I had no idea #13 even existed, but now I want to try it...even though I know I'll hate it...  The same goes for #15

What It's Like to be Chronically Ill

This is a really tough post for me to write.  I don't speak about my chronic illnesses, or the fact that I'm broken.  I just put on a cute little smiley face and hope no one ever finds out.  Like it's something to be ashamed of, which is just stupid.  It's not my fault I'm sick.  It's not anyone's fault.  But I feel like I'm doing a disservice to other people to just ignore it.  I'll update this periodically, but for starters, here's a link to the best description I've found about what it's like to be me:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

On to the ranting...

• Today, I'm missing church.  I hate missing church.  A lot.  But I hate it even more when I'm missing it for a totally lame reason.  Allergies.  Yes, allergies.  "So, you have a runny nose? That's pathetic."  NO!  It ties into the chronic illnesses!  I have chronic hives, as in hives every single freaking day of my life, so I have to take an antihistamine every day.  When spring (or summer, or fall) rolls around, my seasonal allergies attack but the antihistamine is already busy, so I get the full onslaught of the nastiness with no way to alleviate them at all.  So I feel completely nasty today, nauseous, exhausted, dizzy, achy, as well as congested, and I can't go to church.  But if I tell anyone that I'm not going because of allergies, I'll be judged.  Harshly.
• I was cleaning today when I realized that my flat-top stove needed a really good scrubbing. I had to stand there for a moment to debate whether to clean the stove right, or clean the rest of the house, because there weren't "spoons" to do both. I chose to clean the rest of the house. Do you have any inkling of how frustrating it is to be 33 and not able to scrub your stove? Pretty darn frustrating.

Fallacious Thinking

I'm the world's biggest chicken.  Let me make that clear from the get-go.  It's pathetic, yes, but something I totally can't change about myself.

For example...

I was looking through the Reader's Digest (because, yes, I'm awesome, and I totally rock the old people magazines) when I came across a story about a hotel that is supposedly haunted.  Now, I know I'm the world's biggest chicken, and I know better than to read crapito like that, but I'm an idiot and I always tell myself, "Oh, my heck, Laurie!  You're a big girl!  You can read this super lame article.  You're just fine!"

Famous last words.  Like when I thought I could watch a ghost hunter video about my local museum, which I can no longer attend, because I love the museum, but the super lame video scared the crapito out of me.

Anyway, back to the story.  I read the first two paragraphs of the Reader's Digest article.  All it said was the hotel was supposedly haunted, and that the ghost was supposed to be a little girl that was locked in a cupboard and would kick the door.  That's it.  No scary elaboration, no flowery words, just that.

I was so terrified I very nearly slept in my four-year-old's bed.  So she could protect me.  I had to work really, REALLY hard not to give in to that tenacious urge.  I even texted my husband at work to tell him how scared I was, then immediately texted him again to tell him that he could NOT come home and scare me because I would cry.  For real.  A lot.

You may be asking yourself, "What makes Laurie think she's the biggest chicken ever?  Sure, she's super lame, but so what?"

I'll show you!  Doubt my lame-osity, will you?  *grumble* *grumble*

All right ... Here it goes ... The gloves are coming off ...

I'm petrified of Bigfoot and aliens, even though there's not one tiny bit of me that believes they're real.

Did you read that?  'Cuz I was trying really hard not to let you see that.  It's embarrassing.

How far does this fear go?  Well, back to Reader's Digest...

There was another article about the most read case ever in the FBI's files.  It was about an extraterrestrial ship crashing, and three bodies being found.  Honestly, I think it's probably the biggest hoax ever.  For real.  But it still scared me to pieces.

Which brings me to my fallacious thought process.  After I was stupid and read this article, I had to go pick up the four-year-old from preschool.  Middle of the day, bright and sun-shiny, and I'm literally running to my car.  I jump in, slam the door, and lock it, only to realize my thinking process is majorly flawed.  I'm scared of creatures I don't even believe in, but, for argument's sake, let's say they're real.  Obviously they've got some serious technology at their disposal if they can travel way farther and faster than we can even comprehend.  So what makes me think locking the doors of my pop can car is going to protect me????  Or the deadbolt on my front door????  Or the plate-glass windows that my four-year-old could shatter without even trying????

I'm not safe.

Anywhere.

Ever.