Highlights of the Week

A New Title

I take my daughter to story hour at my local library every week.  Most weeks, I end up showing up in pajamas.  What can I say?  I hate mornings.  Most of the others moms are dressed to the nines with fancy clothes, makeup, and big hair.  Me?  I look like death warmed over.  But I don't really care.  I go for story hour, not fashion hour.

The librarian told me I am officially the most casual mom she knows.

Yes!

My husband says that's not a compliment.  I say, I don't care.

My Vocal Talents

I was being super lame and singing Phantom of the Opera yesterday.  My three-year-old kept covering her ears.  I asked what was wrong.  She told me to stop singing because it makes her throw up.

The Dangers of McDonald's

My daughter announced she was going to sing a church song.  It consisted of the words, "McDonald's makes me dead, Jesus makes me alive."

Just so you know, McDonald's is her favorite place ever.  I am not one of those mothers that tells her fast food will kill her.

Socks Do Not Make Your Hair Curl

I'm always trying to find ways to make my hair take (and keep) a curl.  So when I watched this video, I thought, "Why not?"

5 Minute No-Heat Curls!

Yeah.  Not only did I not sleep last night (super uncomfortable having bulky socks tied all over your head), not only did I wake up in extreme amounts of pain (having bulky socks tied to your head hurts your neck and shoulders), not only did I have to wait until noon for my hair to dry (even though it was barely damp when I went to bed), no curls.  Snarly, awkward random kinks, yes.  Curls?  No.

Fresh Young Gagonut

Sometimes, Bountiful Baskets gives us some strange things.

Sometimes, those things are surprisingly good (persimmons, Brussels sprouts).

Sometimes the things are completely disgusting.

We got a fresh young coconut this week.  I've tried it before and remember how nasty it is, but my husband didn't believe me.  He hacked the thing open and it was pinkish.  Didn't deter him.  He drained it and got the "jelly" (he described it as snot) out and blended them.  It looked like pink vomit.  It tasted like butt.  He added Otter Pops.  It looked even more like vomit.  The taste made him swear and literally vomit into the sink.

Moral of the story?

Stay away from fresh young coconut.

Things I'm Going to Forget

1. When my daughter was just learning to talk, she'd always demand to watch "Happy."  It took me forever to figure out that she meant Barney the Dinosaur.  She called him Happy for ages.
2. One day, my daughter's friend got to ride on a booster seat rather than a standard car seat.  I knew it would upset my little angel, so I told her that I would call her "Madam" and she would be important and junk.  She asked who I was if she was Madam.  I told her I was "Butler."  Clear as can be, she responded, "You're butt crack?"
3. To this day, she calls potatoes igoes (eye-goes).  Don't know where she got that from, but, even at 3-and-a-half, if she accidentally says "potatoes" she'll correct herself with "igoes."
4. Currently, her favorite song is "Where is Thumbkin?"  She will do all the different characters (ring-man, tall-man, etc.), but only her thumb or her pointer gets moved.  She always responds to "How are you today, sir?" with "Thank you for the well day."
5. When singing "I am a Child of God," she always says, "Lead me, guide me, walk in my shoes."
6. When she first started feeding herself, the second she was full she would throw all of her food on the floor.  I never managed to get there fast enough to save anything.
7. Hamburgers are actually hand-ga-burgers.  And, no, she won't eat them.
8. For a long time, her future career choice was one of Santa's elves. 
9. She got her first love note in kindergarten.

Must See on Netflix

When you're feeling sappy...

• Snow
• Scents and Sensibility

For the whole family

• The Lost Medallion
• The Lost and Found Family

When you're feeling regal...

• Wives & Daughters

When you're feeling 14-years-old...

• Crash & Bernstein
• Mako Mermaids
• H2O
• Wolfblood

When your husband's whining about all the girly shows...

• Outcasts
• Survivors
• Primeval

You're welcome

Celebrity Crushes

So, I'm totally lame, and even though I'm old and way, WAY married, I still have celebrity crushes.  For a long time, this is the character I would have run away with...


Today's character is...



















Now, let me be absolutely clear.  It's the CHARACTERS here that I'm pseudo-in-love with, not the people.  Not even their physical appearances.  And if you don't understand, go watch Once Upon a Time.  You hermit.

Looks wise, this is my new dream boat...



Totally Evan-licious.

And if you don't get that, go read my books.

And, yes, dude is WAY too young for me...but not too young to be Evan...

It's not my fault I'm ancient.

And, again, I'm WAY married.  This is just an effort to cement my lame-status for all eternity.

Think Your Day's Bad?

• Not enough sleep
• Nausea
• Respiratory virus
• Dog with explosive diarrhea
• Scrubbing dried diarrhea off floor, toilet, walls, sink
• Looming mineral identification quiz
• 7 papers to review
• Lecture to watch
• House to clean
• Meals to cook
• Sick toddler to care for
• Homework

On the other hand

• I don't have to worry about where my next meal will come from
• I don't have to worry about my daughter being taken by ISIS
• I have a house, a bed, electricity, running potable water, medicine, peace

How's your day?

Coolest Checker Ever

I just went to the store and picked up a dental prescription for my husband.  I got a few other things, and put the prescription on the check out counter so it would get bagged with my groceries.  I wasn't really paying attention, and the checker didn't put it in the bag.

HOWEVER....

He did chase me into the parking lot, yelling, "Hey!  You forgot your husband's suppositories!"

Best

Day

Ever