My best friend (you know who you are) has a hilarious life and has decided that blogging is not for her, so I'm doing it for her.
She's originally from Argentina and has a very heavy accent. Money's tight, so she registered to be a substitute teacher. She finally gets called to teach, and it's 12th grade Honor's English.
Yes, English is her second language.
No, she's not comfortable teaching it.
Nor is she comfortable with teenagers.
Who want to physically fight each other over whether or not they're gay.
The highlight of the day, however, was when a student asked a technical question, and she responded, "I don't know. Google it." Especially since she found out later that students aren't allowed to Google anything.
Or was it when the students had to quote Macbeth to her, and when asked if they did it correctly, she said, "I don't know."
Ah, Cecilia. The joy you bring to my life.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Hair Dying Adventures
My mom and I have been going to this beauty school that's near our house to have our hair done because it's about half the price of a regular salon. Well, with Christmas coming up, I didn't want to spend even that much on myself, so we ended up buying hair dye at Wal*Mart and dying each other's hair. We discovered some very important things:
1)Hair dye comes off of all surfaces, including skin, with frightening ease if you use a baby wipe.
2)If your local grocery store doesn't have the hair dye brushes that salons use, cheap-o house painting brushes work just as well.
3)Medium Brown hair dye looks like very dirty pudding.
4)Bright Auburn hair dye looks exactly like grape jelly.
5)It's really quite easy to dye someone else's hair, and worth it when the dye kit is $2.25 on sale.
On another note, my parents bought us a new couch for Christmas (whoot-whoot!), and my dad drove it to our remote location. As we were driving, we passed a car that had a live chicken in the back window. The chicken was white with black spots. And it was pecking the back of a girl's head.
The car was also quite nice, which didn't fit in well with the whole situation.
And as I couldn't sleep last night, the probing question that wouldn't leave me alone is: How a bat goes from flying to hanging upside down in a cave? Do they scrabble around for a hold? Do they quit flying? Sadly, I can find no videos to assuage my grief-stricken curiosity.
1)Hair dye comes off of all surfaces, including skin, with frightening ease if you use a baby wipe.
2)If your local grocery store doesn't have the hair dye brushes that salons use, cheap-o house painting brushes work just as well.
3)Medium Brown hair dye looks like very dirty pudding.
4)Bright Auburn hair dye looks exactly like grape jelly.
5)It's really quite easy to dye someone else's hair, and worth it when the dye kit is $2.25 on sale.
On another note, my parents bought us a new couch for Christmas (whoot-whoot!), and my dad drove it to our remote location. As we were driving, we passed a car that had a live chicken in the back window. The chicken was white with black spots. And it was pecking the back of a girl's head.
The car was also quite nice, which didn't fit in well with the whole situation.
And as I couldn't sleep last night, the probing question that wouldn't leave me alone is: How a bat goes from flying to hanging upside down in a cave? Do they scrabble around for a hold? Do they quit flying? Sadly, I can find no videos to assuage my grief-stricken curiosity.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Dog Drama
So, we all know how special Kellin is, right? Special in every meaning of the word (including short-bus special). His back end doesn't work so well anymore, but it's not such a big deal at home because we have main-level living. He does collapse now if he bumps into you, which is sad, but unavoidable.
Well, at my parents' house he has an entire flight of stairs to deal with every morning and night. He can go down, no problem, but going up is a frightening experience. If he loses it on his back end, he slides all the way to the bottom. On vacation, he accidentally stepped into the stairwell and totally freaked. This morning, at my parents', he made it 2/3 of the way up, then collapsed and couldn't go any further. I was standing behind him, knowing this happens, so he didn't slide all the way down, but he absolutely could not get back on his feet. I ended up having to carry his full weight, all 70+ pounds of him, up the rest of the stairs (and around a curve). It was not a good experience.
What makes these kinds of things so much worse is the fact that Kellin's 12. For a lab, that's pretty dang old.
I hate drawing nearer to putting him to sleep. There's a reason I'm not God.
Well, at my parents' house he has an entire flight of stairs to deal with every morning and night. He can go down, no problem, but going up is a frightening experience. If he loses it on his back end, he slides all the way to the bottom. On vacation, he accidentally stepped into the stairwell and totally freaked. This morning, at my parents', he made it 2/3 of the way up, then collapsed and couldn't go any further. I was standing behind him, knowing this happens, so he didn't slide all the way down, but he absolutely could not get back on his feet. I ended up having to carry his full weight, all 70+ pounds of him, up the rest of the stairs (and around a curve). It was not a good experience.
What makes these kinds of things so much worse is the fact that Kellin's 12. For a lab, that's pretty dang old.
I hate drawing nearer to putting him to sleep. There's a reason I'm not God.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Pirate Mummy
I'm totally addicted to the blog cakewrecks.squarespace.com
And I totally want this cake.
Seriously.
Which frightens me.
And I totally want this cake.
Seriously.
Which frightens me.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Stake Conference
I've been teaching Fay a few signs. She knows "red" and "stop" and "Jesus." We were getting ready for stake conference this morning, and she found a picture of Jesus in the magazine and started pointing at it, then signing Jesus.
Steve cried.
I almost did.
Then, at stake conference, Steve took Fay to change her diaper. When he came back, he handed me the diaper bag. It was wet.
Steve sat it in pee in the men's bathroom.
Then in my lap.
My life is a gift.
Steve cried.
I almost did.
Then, at stake conference, Steve took Fay to change her diaper. When he came back, he handed me the diaper bag. It was wet.
Steve sat it in pee in the men's bathroom.
Then in my lap.
My life is a gift.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
The Orange Door
There's been this commercial on TV a lot lately from Home Depot advertising that you can paint your front door for under $50, so I've been begging Steve to let me do it. He finally agreed that I could. I was going to use leftover paint from our house, but I realized I should probably use exterior paint on the door.
That's where everything went downhill.
For Steve.
I must have hit him at a good time because, as you're reading this, my front door is bright orange. And I mean traffic cone orange, people.
It gives me joy.
It occurred to me, later, that it could also stand as a symbol for all of the things that Steve loves me more than. Such as...
1-Steve loves me more than he loves his own choice of color (he's Mr. Beige).
2-Steve loves me more than he does his own pride
3-Steve loves me more than he cares about what his friends think
4-Steve loves me more than what any random person that drives past our house thinks
That's an awful lot of love, people.
If I ever find my camera, you'll see just how much love.
'Cuz you'll see the door.
Get your mind out of the gutter
That's where everything went downhill.
For Steve.
I must have hit him at a good time because, as you're reading this, my front door is bright orange. And I mean traffic cone orange, people.
It gives me joy.
It occurred to me, later, that it could also stand as a symbol for all of the things that Steve loves me more than. Such as...
1-Steve loves me more than he loves his own choice of color (he's Mr. Beige).
2-Steve loves me more than he does his own pride
3-Steve loves me more than he cares about what his friends think
4-Steve loves me more than what any random person that drives past our house thinks
That's an awful lot of love, people.
If I ever find my camera, you'll see just how much love.
'Cuz you'll see the door.
Get your mind out of the gutter
Sunday, September 16, 2012
"Camping"
Grandma, Grandpa, Steve, Fay, and I all went to Duck Creek Village for a week to celebrate Steve's and my 10th wedding anniversary (even though that doesn't happen until October). We stayed in a gorgeous cabin and I'm so ready to leave everything and live in Duck Creek for the rest of my life.
Fay has become obsessed with praying. She constantly folds her arms and, if you don't comply, will bow her head and close her eyes for a split second before looking up again. It's cute as heck, but we're running out of things to pray about. At Wal*Mart yesterday, I said, "Thank you for the green stuff," because there were bottles with green liquid outside the store.
She can pray and loves MacGyver. I have succeeded as a parent.
Fay has become obsessed with praying. She constantly folds her arms and, if you don't comply, will bow her head and close her eyes for a split second before looking up again. It's cute as heck, but we're running out of things to pray about. At Wal*Mart yesterday, I said, "Thank you for the green stuff," because there were bottles with green liquid outside the store.
She can pray and loves MacGyver. I have succeeded as a parent.
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